Ideas float through my week about what I want to write next. Sometimes I think I know, then the idea shifts into something new. The idea evolves as I write. I don't plan, I just let my thoughts lead.

So today I'm writing about the price of not choosing yourself. Because I did it for too long. I know now that not choosing myself meant I wasn't living my life.

Leaving a life that was never mine helped me understand that all the efforts I was making would never have worked. And why they never did.

Not living your main character energy - a new term created in the social media world that clicked for me. Not in the selfish "it's all about me and I want all the lights" way, but rather in the "it's my life and I'm responsible for it" way.

I wasn't fitting into the world I was born in. It was hard because I wanted to belong but at the same time I didn't want to stay.

I always felt different and didn't want what was expected of me as a woman. I just wanted to be free. To travel the world, learn about it, see its beauty. To meet interesting people. To live my life without thinking about society's expectations. But something inside felt uncomfortable. I was conditioned to be a certain way, but my consciousness and heart were calling for something different.

That's what kept me stuck. Not understanding that the only person I had to belong to was myself.

I remember my life, the great moments, friends, adventures. The trips to London a few times a year, to Greece my favorite destination, to NYC once a year sometimes more, Paris. The comfort, the money, my little rented apartment with my cat Takis, riding my bike around, swimming in the lake, friends for apéro.
I had a great life.

But I was deeply unhappy.

I was hungry for more experiences. To meet different people. To live in a different energy. I didn't feel at home and I don't think I would today, even with how much I've grown. That place isn't for me.

I don't know why I always craved an environment totally different from mine. I craved, and still do, differences. Differences of languages, faces, landscapes, people. I think it's because in others I was finding myself.

I had privileges too. Staying in my country, I didn't have to make much effort because I was a citizen. I thought that starting over meant having less. That I would have to say yes to things I'd usually say no to. I didn't want to make sacrifices.

What changed is that I got tired of feeling off, depressed, living next to my life.

What really pushed me out of my stuckness and got me ready for action was an aha moment I had during a trip. I met people from all around the world who were living in NYC. People who had chosen a different life than the one they could have had if they’d stayed in their home country. They’d made sacrifices to shift.

The aha moment came with a simple question from someone who’s now a good friend: “Why do you live in a place you don’t like?”

While I’m writing this, I realize how what I do today by helping people get to where their heart is calling mirrors what was given to me. Sharing my story to hopefully inspire people who are where I used to be. Asking deep questions and listening. Bringing awareness to light. Helping people find their own aha moments is my way of giving back.

I started looking at my options. What I was willing to sacrifice for a while. And what I wasn’t. I talked to friends to get feedback. I planned the year ahead. What I’d need, the key dates, the budget. And I started to own it out loud. I was leaving Switzerland to go to NYC. That’s what was going to happen. Doubts and fears weren’t invited anymore.

Those feelings had lived in me for long enough.

When I finally decided to take my life into my own hands, I decided what I would do and put it into action.

I would move to NYC. And to make it happen, I would find a full-time job and have three jobs in total for one year…

I gave a real chance to my dream. I felt grounded in a way I never had before. Confident. Clear.

I wasn’t waiting for permission or the perfect moment anymore - I was making it happen. Every choice aligned with where I was going. It’s when I started to receive positive signs. Opportunities. Doors were opening.

I asked for what I wanted, I put in the work and the universe gave it to me.
I felt I was finally choosing something for myself and only based on me. I was living my main character energy for the first time. I was deciding what I would allow and what I wouldn’t. I said yes only to what fit my goal.

Leaving my country at 34 to live a life I'd chosen for myself didn't feel scary anymore. Something had shifted in me. It felt right and aligned. I saw that the opportunities I needed to make it happen were coming to me.

I realized that by avoiding changes that meant sacrifices, I was already sacrificing a lot. My entire life.

I understood that having less would mean having more of a life I love. It was a step to show up for myself. To believe that I could have a life I love, doing what I chose for myself and no one else.

When I was finally in New York, I found freedom by living in a place that felt safe to my soul. I had no one from my past to judge my old self. I had my little room with cool roommates, I was hanging out with friends and going to fun events. There was the excitement of novelty and being where I'd always wanted to be. I was having fun and slowly making a new life. I was aligned, I could hear myself, I was present.

I think when you're younger you see yourself through the eyes of others. You want people to project themselves onto you, so somehow you become similar to them. Thinking you'll be loved more for it. Because you don't really know who you are.

I learned in NYC that I was resilient, that I could do things I wouldn't have done in my home country. I learned about who I am. I learned so much in five years. I often think I learned more in those five years than in my first 34. I learned to be me. I unlearned parts of my culture that were getting in my way.

I learned about others and their feelings when I went to coaching school. We had to observe others being coached. We had to coach people and be coached ourselves. That level of vulnerability helped me unlock and understand more about myself.

That was a year and a half, my first year in Hawaii.

I don't think I was selfish. I know that in order to choose myself, I had to stop choosing others and be okay with disappointing some. Stop pleasing people even if I loved them. I had to stop letting myself down.

I want to remind you that I'm from a socialist country where it's not much about individualism. You always think about others. The belief that in order to be happy, everyone has to have access to it.

The cost of choosing myself is that I don't see my family very often. It's challenging to connect over the phone, we live 12 hours apart. I haven't seen most of my friends in almost 8 years. It means dealing with immigration.

The price is worth it. Because I don't think my family wanted me to stay and be completely unhappy. Because we know what it is to feel unhappy, depressed. You don't want to wish that on anyone.

I think from that part of my life, where I felt I was living next to my life, I became a strong advocate for people's dreams. To help them understand the price they pay by putting others and society's expectations before themselves. By making their happiness dependent on others. By waiting for life to bring them opportunities without asking or acting on them.

I see where people are and why. I have empathy because I understand where they are. How they feel.

A lot of people don't move forward with their dreams because they think they're not ready to make sacrifices. While they're already sacrificing everything. Their life, their energy, their time.

Today I live in Hawaii. I have a life partner and we live on the land that he owns with his mom. I'm building my business and it's still a baby. With the help of my family I can fully be present and keep working on my vision.

The one that I'd built years ago and I didn't even believe it could be possible. Living in a place where the sun shines every day, warm and tropical. A place that allows me to travel and take my mission, my purpose, my way of contributing to the world with me and being able to help my clients no matter where I am.

Living in a calm place is so rewarding for the soul and our nervous system. I'm not quite where I want to be but I know I'm close. I see now the whole journey that brought me here and how it shifted when I decided I had to take ownership of my destiny.

I feel very proud and a lot of love for myself. To be honest I just can't believe it sometimes.

Living a life that's entirely based on the choices I made is empowering. It feels right. And peaceful.

Everything isn't perfect. There are challenges. But finding that place where we build, choose, and prioritize what we want and love is personally rewarding no matter the challenges.

I believe that by choosing to build a life and act on what we want and dream for ourselves, we also help others do the same. We slowly build something different.

So I'm asking you this.
Where are you showing up as a supporting character in your own life? Where are you waiting for permission that's never coming?

What would change if you started choosing yourself?
Not in the selfish, "it's all about me" way.
But in the "this is my life and I'm responsible for it" way.

You don't need to have it all figured out. You don't need to be ready. You just need to start choosing.

What's one choice you could make this week that's 100% for you?

Reply and tell me. I read every response.

With gratitude,
Nina