I’m back after a break. Not a break from writing or working. A break from writing for you, my readers.

I had to stop to focus on building my website. I wanted to create something I could be proud of. And while I still try to “do it all,” I had to admit to myself I couldn’t, and had to take a break and prioritize it.

That balance between what to prioritize and what can wait sometimes feels hard to catch.

I have been thinking about what to write today. Today marks one year since I started writing weekly articles. I had started with seven articles, one per day, to celebrate my 7 year anniversary since I moved to the US.
And so today is my 8th US anniversary.

A lot of numbers, anniversaries, and me. Standing here, looking at all those key moments. And what seems to be coming full circle...

When I look back, I see different phases and versions of where I was.

A version of me from 8 years ago, excited, with heavy luggage, saying goodbye to her friends, her family, and a land that was my standby home.

A version of me from almost 3 years ago, who left a cute Brooklyn apartment, a life I had dreamed of, to invest in a love story and to find an environment more Nina-friendly. Full of nature, birds, grounding, vitamin Sea, and new challenges.

A version of me who started to write on Substack because a woman writer I had just met on a coffee call encouraged me to. She had seen what I had been writing on LinkedIn, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her.

I never thought I’d write a newsletter. But something you know about me by now is that I like challenges. Some are easier than others and I choose what excites me and I follow that direction.

I do feel a bit uncomfortable for using AI to correct my grammar and syntax. But I have to be honest, I don’t know how I would have started without it, or if I would have. It helped me gain confidence and improve my English.

Most importantly it connected me to amazing souls here. Incredible artists and human beings. I know it sounds cheesy but for me that’s what life is about and I think it’s why so many people enjoy it. It connects us to our gift and to a community that we might not have in person, for people like me.

Eight years ago, my world changed drastically. The place I left and the places I moved to. The place I left, where I couldn’t be connected in the same way because I was no longer physically there. And the place I moved to, where I felt at home.

Looking back, I see how staying was blocking me from seeing myself, my true self.

2018, the year when I left, feels like a blur. I don’t really remember the world as it was at that time. I was so focused on the future I was planning to move to, and I didn’t want to root too much so I could leave.

I left to grow and to live a life that made sense to me. I felt that NYC was a place where I could be myself, where I could remove some insecurities I had carried for years, while new ones appeared that I never anticipated.

Having an accent, not speaking proper English, was enough for some to see me as less, along with the way I perceived rest as productive and normal, the boundaries I kept between work and personal life, and my honesty when people asked for my feedback. Things that were common where I’m from.

And then Hawai'i offered me a place to rest, grieve, and continue to build the life I had visualized years before. Living not far from the ocean, in a tropical paradise where winter requires only an extra layer and a pair of socks. But most importantly a strong symbolic place that Native Hawaiians carry with pride. From its history, its traditions, the beauty of the 'āina (land) and moana (ocean). And from its people that have been welcoming me as a part of their 'ohana (family) from day one. Mahalo nui.

In those past years, what stays is my desire for self and world discovery. I grew, but I am still the same woman whose inner light slowly dims when every day starts to look the same.

I’m going to be 43 in July. Mirroring the 34 I was when I left.

Excited. Ready. Not afraid. Still her.

I know it well. Its turns, its quiet spaces, its light and its shadows, what feeds me and what drains me.

I am ready for something different.

I’m now married to someone who is also ready for some adventures. We built our relationship the best way we could, as we barely knew each other. Challenged by our different cultures, but connected by our similarities. A shared desire to live a life where we support each other. Where his dreams matter as much as mine.

I am excited to take him to my favorite places and for him to experience the world outside. To see with his own eyes, with his senses, how beautiful our world is. That there is not only one way to live.

Looking at how others live, learning about their cultures, it helps you gain new perspectives and experiences. But it’s also an opportunity to understand and love yourself more deeply.

Thank you for being here. Whether you’ve been reading since the beginning or just found my words, I’m grateful you’re here.

I hope seeing the different versions of me stirred something in you too. A memory, a question, maybe a version of yourself you haven’t visited in a while.

Where are you in your own becoming right now? And what version is quietly waiting?

With Gratitude,
Nina