Something that was and that still is challenging about living in a different country is the culture clash.

I might sound naïve for sharing that, but I am still surprised by it. That we still misunderstand each other while we can be in a different country and culture in less than 24 hours.

I don’t know if my ‘surprise’ comes from my background. I grew up in an international city in Switzerland, because my dad is Italian, or because I had to learn a “second” language from my country. (You might know that Switzerland has four national languages: German, French, Italian and Romansh. We could add English as a fifth.)

When I was seven I started to learn German. French is my native language, Italian my second from visiting my grandparents in summer in Italy, and German never really became my third; English did.

I grew up surrounded by kids in my class who had just immigrated and couldn’t speak French yet. Kids of different skin colors, languages, backgrounds. When you take the bus in Geneva, you can hear people talking in different languages. When you buy food at the supermarket, the names of the products and their descriptions are always in three languages. Your eye is used to catching where to read.

That’s my reference of the world.

While I do criticize the fact that racism and privileges weren’t talked about more at school or in my community, I only started to really learn and understand about them when I moved to NYC.

I do see now, from what I have observed during the past eight years living in the US, that my experience growing up in Geneva was way different than most people’s. I was surrounded by differences. I find joy in them. It’s our way to connect to the world. I see them as an open door and not a boundary. To find opportunities to understand each other better in our differences. As a reflection back at me.

And not taking my perception and beliefs as a ground rule just because it has been my reality it doesn’t make it more valuable than another. I am not better; my journey or way of living isn’t the ground base to judge others. I just had different experiences.

For a very long time, and still sometimes, I forget that I’m more similar to the majority of people on Earth than I think. And at the same time that I don’t see the world the same way as the majority…

A few years back I said the word “insects” to my husband while I was explaining something. He gently said, “We say bugs.” I was certain I was right, but still as he insisted I started to doubt myself.

Weeks later, we watched a movie where one of the characters said “insects.” My word was correct.

I had started to second-guess myself. And erase the word “insect” from my vocabulary, making sure I would say “bug” from now on.

When I studied life coaching for my certification I learned about the fact that one word can have different meanings for people. That we understand how and when to use a specific word but don’t have the same experience around it - the exact same sense, color, texture, feeling, meaning. Some words can evoke something positive in you while something negative in me. A word can empower you and disable me.

That’s why communication is so important. And in coaching, for example, if I don’t ask what’s the meaning for my client, I then base what they say to me on my reality and not theirs. That’s the only way for me to really help them; being on the same level. Understand where they are and what’s their visions.

What’s fascinating for me, and I think helps me understand others better, is that even if we agree on understanding each other, we still don’t visualize or experience it the same way.

Our perception of the world is based on so many aspects: culture you grew up in, religion or absence of it, skin color, gender, generation you are part of… and still, a lot of people expect the same behavior from everyone.

As if we are programmed.

Forgetting where we are coming from, what we are made of. Our differences and our similarities.

When I was in New York City, I was four days a week going to an ESL school. It happened a few times, because I changed school, that teachers or admin would tell me with a voice full of joy that another Swiss person was in the school too! At their surprise I would always answer with my introvert, unhinged tone: “cool.”

Not because I was a “snob European” but because if I want to hang out with a Swiss person, I could do that in Switzerland.

I had left to experience the world. To get out of the safe bubble, my familiar environment and for my desire to live in reality. Not to be with the same people, who see the world the same way as me or can speak the same language.

I’m sure those people were great! And you know what, if you think I’m a weirdo, yes, I am, but I don’t think for that reason.

None of those Swiss students ever came to me to connect. They received the same information as me. I think it’s a mutual perception that we have, a same desire to connect with people who are different from us. Simply because that’s our perception of the world.

Why would we want to hang out only with people like us?

I realized these days that for a very long time I was misunderstood. Not only because my English isn’t perfect. But because of my perception of the world. Especially with younger people who have never interacted with people like me, or people who have never really traveled outside of the US.

My openness, honesty, directness, accent, coming from a culture that prioritizes quality over quantity or values slowness. Not basing my identity around my job – something that took me a while to get used to when I introduce myself and people ask me what I do.

I remember the first years here I would say I was just a student. Adding that I had left Switzerland and my executive assistant job in finance, and today I was a student. I really enjoyed looking at faces when I shared that and what they would say back to me.

Because where I come from, work isn’t the center of our life; our life is the center. Do we need to pay our bills? Hell yeah. Do we have enough money to enjoy ourselves after we pay our bills? Often no. But life has boundaries with work.

So now looking back, I understand that I was often judged for being different. For something that I found totally normal. I was misunderstood and people rarely asked me any questions. About why I behaved differently, why I was honest, or where I came from.

My only choice was to adapt to them, not make any mistakes, and be okay with being judged for something I didn’t see any problem with. But understood when I learned their background why it could be misinterpreted.

For a sensitive, introverted person like me, it has sometimes been very traumatic.

Our differences are based on our perception of the world around us but also what our culture taught us about others. Unhealthy stereotypes that makes people be afraid of differences, to go on a trip, to try different food, to get out of their comfort zone and see for themselves. To create beliefs based on their own experiences only.

A part of our perception is also based on past experiences, traumas, privileges, disadvantages, education, and whether we were surrounded by similar or different people.

Other than that, we are human beings. At the core of our soul we are very similar.

We feel.

We want to be seen, heard, loved, touched. We want to matter.

We might have the same age, different backgrounds, grow up in different states, different countries, but feel the same way.

We all feel fear of uncertainty, of trying new things, of not wanting to disappoint someone or being perceived in a way that hurts us. We all have expectations in life.

We might not have the same trauma, but we can understand how those traumas make someone else feel overwhelmed, hurt, triggered. Because we feel that too. We have empathy.

When we look deeply into someone else’s eyes, we can see ourselves. When we actively listen without wanting to add something, we allow that person to be heard. We might find ways to understand them. And we create space to be in the present moment.

What I give, I receive back.

What I project will be projected back at me.

A never-ending mirror’s game.

The crew that is building a homogeneous and tasteless world is definitely not my friend.

We’re all walking around with our own version of the world. Built from where we came from, who raised us, what we experienced. No two the same. And maybe that’s the point.

Not to fix it or flatten it, but to get curious about it and embrace all of what we are. But also as a way to be rebellious against that crew that wants us to look the same and have gender roles in society.

Understanding that in others, we are.

What shaped your perception of the world?
When did you realize you saw something differently than someone else?
and What did you learn from it?

I would love to hear about your perspective.

With gratitude,
Nina

Personal note: This isn’t a story of victimhood. It’s a story of choosing to see differently, even when it hurts. And I’d make the same choice again.