The soundtrack for this reflection. Let it set the mood.

It never entered my mind that I could build a different life.

Here’s the thing nobody tells you about “making it”: sometimes the success is what breaks you.

Let me back up.

In 2013, my closest friend was leaving her EA job to travel the world for a year. She told me I should apply for her position.

I had zero experience in finance. Zero knowledge of that world. The language felt foreign. The environment? Let’s just say I’m an activist who believes wealthy people should pay their taxes... and this was literally the opposite of that.

But I needed the money. I was working 60% at an independent newspaper, drowning in tax debt, and saw this as my ticket out. Learn the executive assistant role here, then find something in my actual world - like art.

So I applied. And I got it.

The learning curve was brutal.

My friend trained me for months. I cried from the overwhelm. So much information. So much money and safety protocols involved. Everything in English when I hadn’t used it professionally in years. Even answering the phone had specific scripts depending on which line rang.

But I’m good at learning by doing. I practiced. Things started clicking. Three months in, I reminded my boss of our agreement about my full salary. He agreed. End of year? Got my bonus plus 13th salary. A lot of money at once.

I had my own office. The title. The comfort.

And I was miserable.

I called it “the Dark Side of the force” (yes, Star Wars reference). I was working in a world that went against everything I believed in. So I tried to make it okay - I “cleaned my money” by donating to causes I cared about. Bought clothes, expensive fitness memberships, vacations without budget worries.

I wasn’t conscious of what I was doing. I was filling a void.

My soul was being crushed, but the salary was comfortable. I always planned to leave for NYC, but... life goes on, right? The money is good. Stay a little longer.

I broke up with my long-term boyfriend. Did a 3-month mindfulness workshop to manage the stress. Got depressed.

By 2015, the company was struggling financially. They decided to lay off two people. I was one of them. When my boss told me, he said he thought I didn’t care anymore.

It wasn’t that. I was heartbroken and lost.

The universe did what I couldn’t do for myself.

Here’s what I learned - years later, when I could finally see it clearly:

You can do hard things. That was never the question. I proved I could learn a completely foreign job, excel at it, get the office and the money.

The real question is: Is this yours to do?

Because I spent years living comfortably in a life that betrayed my values. I was good at the job. That was the problem. Success in the wrong direction is still the wrong direction.

It took leaving (okay, being forced out) and choosing LESS - less money, less comfort, less “security” - to discover what actual happiness felt like. Living aligned with myself, even with a smaller bank account, was worth more than any bonus check.

This is what I help women do in my coaching.

Not just face the fear of leaping. But recognize when staying is the bigger risk. Listen to the soul-crushing BEFORE you get to depression. Before you need the universe to lay you off because you won’t leave on your own.

Stop giving excuses. Face the feelings, the self-talk, the pain. Because those feelings? They’re trying to save you.

I understand how easily we get ourselves in the everyday tunnel life. How exhausting it feels to even THINK about doing something else. How the comfort becomes a cage.

You’re not weak for struggling in a “good” situation. You’re human for knowing something’s wrong even when it looks right.

While I’m writing this, huge crocodile tears fall on my cheeks. Realizing that next month it has been 10 years.

“Look how far you have come Nina...” - my inner voice talking to me.

I’m grateful.

For the experience. For the skills I learned. For getting laid off. For finally choosing less money and more LIFE.

If you’re in that comfortable cage right now - the good job that’s crushing your soul, the life that looks right but feels wrong - I see you.

And I can help you leave before it breaks you.

You don’t have to wait for the universe to force your hand.

You can be proud of yourself maybe for the first time.

Wherever you’re reading this—your inbox, the app, a browser—I’d love to hear from you.

What’s one ‘rule’ you’ve been following that might not be yours to keep?

Reply directly to this email or leave a comment on the post.🌺