I was recently thinking about the show The Bear and how Carmy's story resonates with parts of my story and my clients' stories.

Spoiler alert if you haven't watched it yet, but I think this is worth exploring.

In the series, Carmy is building his restaurant. But while he’s doing it, he’s haunted by flashbacks from his past: his brutal training as a chef. His grief from losing his brother. His love relationship that fell apart...

He’s there every day, working alongside his team, but people feel something is off. He’s physically present but not really there.

Like he’s living next to his life.

I know, because I lived next to my life.

When I lived in Switzerland, I spent years trying to fit in because I wanted to belong. But deep down, I knew I didn’t belong there. I never felt at home where I grew up.

The universe kept showing me I wasn't in the correct place. Things didn't work out. Challenges piled up. I was tired, I felt like I was in the dark with my eyes fully open.

I couldn’t figure out that all I needed was to get out of my comfort zone. That I had to push myself to face myself.

Take my power back even if it meant disappointing some people.
Mona Shin

Carmy’s sister, Natalie, sees through him. She senses something is off.

One day on the phone, she tells him:

She gives him permission to embrace his feelings. She knows, she understands what’s going on with Carmy, even more than he understands himself.

We often feel pressure, especially when we want to please our family by following a similar path. Or when they suggest we do something they believe is for us, projecting a different version of ourselves.

I gave myself permission to live one of my dreams and moved to NYC.

It was definitely not easy. When the pandemic hit, I started living in surviving mode.

The thing with surviving mode is that you live on autopilot. You put your health and needs aside. You don’t think much. But when you do, it’s to live in fake scenarios. How complicated it would be to try something different. How much energy it would require.

The guilt comes to visit. It makes you feel wrong for even considering your own happiness.

Until you can’t take it anymore. You can’t turn back or unfeel the possibilities. Your mind is finally out of the box. You feel lighter. And that lightness is the sign it’s the right decision.

So back to Carmy who’s in the back of the restaurant outside and gets to talk with Sydney. Who has been trying to figure out what was going on, trying to get him to talk. Richie joins the conversation. Sydney understands without direct words that Carmy is leaving. Everyone is in shock.

And Carmy says his truth:

When I heard that, my heart felt it. I understood.

You can’t live a life without knowing who you are. If you don’t, how can you know what you like or don’t like? What is your purpose in life? What makes you feel alive?

This is the quiet work no one talks about. The work of meeting yourself after years of living inside a role. Of learning the difference between what you do and who you are.

It is not easy. But that feeling, the lightness, the possibility, the shock of your own truth, is the compass. It is the sign that you are not lost. You are just finally listening.

So I will ask you what I now ask myself in these moments:

What is your version of Carmy's kitchen?
What role have you outgrown?
And what is one small, true thing you might hear
if you listened to the part of you that feels lighter?

Reply and tell me. I read every response.

With gratitude,
Nina