Everything started when I read a post from Reshma Saujani. She shared a Substack article titled, "Men are struggling. Here's why women should care."

"It shouldn't be controversial to say it: men, by nearly every measurable outcome, are faltering. They're falling behind in school and in the workforce. They're more likely to live at home into adulthood, less likely to form lasting romantic partnerships, and increasingly isolated from meaningful friendships. They suffer disproportionately from mental health issues, and account for nearly four-fifths of all suicide deaths in the United States."

I agree. If we want to heal, grow, evolve, and rise as a strong, human community, we can't stay attached to our past. We cannot continue to hold resentment for a society built by and for men.

We have to do better. We have to care about each other.

Equality cannot happen in extremes. Peace, love, care, being seen and heard—these cannot happen if only one side is heard.

And healing cannot happen if hate, resentment, jealousy, or vengeance is included. Healing can only happen in a place of forgiveness and by inviting the other to the seat we were never invited to.

Where there is love and care, there is no place for resentment or hate.

This is why I've been thinking about offering my coaching services to men. From conversations with my friends, my husband, and podcast hosts, I've reflected that if I want to empower women, I want to empower men too.

Because I love them.

And that reflection led me back to a tiredness I've been carrying.

I’m tired of hustle culture. The idea that in life we have to hustle, that this is the way of living. That we have to fight against something. Ourselves, our challenges, our neighbor, the government, the opposite sex… Does anyone else feel tired?

Because I do.

I’m tired of reading articles that make people angrier. I care deeply, but I am tired of conversations that go in circles. The problem with that feeling is that it blurs our mind. Our body gets activated, and our mind turns off. Our nervous system is on high alert as if we were facing a house fire.

When are we going to use that energy to do better, instead of continuously making our hearts heavier?

I know I come from a place of privilege. Maybe I want to use that to bring attention from my perspective, a woman who moved at 34 to start over, and now lives in a country that has become a waking nightmare.

A couple of months ago, I saw the New York Times article asking “Did Women Ruin the Workplace?” I felt the familiar pull: the outrage, the buzz in my fingers ready to dive into the debate. Inside, they framed it as a clash of “masculine vices” versus “feminine vices.” My nervous system clicked into high alert.

But I stopped.

That article wasn’t examining a problem. It was the problem. It was the exact cycle: frame, divide, blame, exhaust. And my instinct to fight them on their stage was just more participation. So I asked a different question publicly: Aren’t articles like this participating in the exact problem they claim to examine?

What if we tried something different?

What if, instead of keeping our bodies on alert and nourishing that anger, we simply refused the game? Not the fight for justice, but the worn-out narrative of separation. Let's leave our ego at home and make our heart bigger.

We are not erasing what happened, the pain caused, the imbalance that exists. But instead of investing in the constant fight, we could decide to see people for who they are, and not just for what their ancestors did or didn’t do. We could break that chain and work together to change what isn’t working.

And for the ones that would comment that I have to pick a side, that I should fight, that I should keep being angry. I hear you. I'm not giving up on equality.

I'm wondering if we could try something different.

Because I'm tired of being heartbroken.

I have amazing men in my life. They have my back. And I see them suffer from this same system. Suffer from what they've been taught about being "a real man."

We are both suffering. Can we please, just for a moment, stop fighting each other and admit that?

Can we start to heal from that shared pain?

A Lesson from a Different Story

That reflection often takes me to Star Wars, to the scene where Yoda teaches Luke: "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

Eye for an eye never felt right to me. I value a strong heart more than a strong ego. I don't remember regretting being generous, listening to my heart. But I have regretted it when I listened to my ego telling me to close up. Where We Go From Here

Where are you in that?

Are you going to let fear or anger take over? Are you going to let what others make you feel change your beautiful heart? Yes, it hurts. Yes, it feels totally unfair and infuriating. But you have a choice here. A choice that could change the future.

Deciding to act differently. To start talking in a way that invites change. That invites communication and a place of peace. Because if we are really honest, we are all suffering from it.

Leave the people on anger planet where they are. They do not need our attention.

We need our attention. We need to look out for each other. We need empathy. We need to heal. We need to take responsibility for the conversations we feed.

Can we stop?

We are responsible for the world we are living in, especially if we have privilege. Let’s get richer in humanity, rather than in power and money.

This week I have no questions for you, I let you reflect on it... Please share if something comes to you – I read every response. With gratitude, Nina